As with Elvis, there is a lot of buzz about the Tinder App…what do you think about it? Have you seen it? Have you heard about it? Have you been on it? Have you had a date? Have you had sex?
Elvis was a sex icon…is Tinder? Well, if you don’t know what it is…it is a dating App.
Some say it’s for sex only and the dating gets lost. Some say they get dates. So, are the majority of people on Tinder there for sex or are they wanting a relationship. Does it matter as long as those involved are over the age of consent and are having fun?
What about those who want more…want to date and want to enjoy building a relationship together and are dropped the minute they agree to have sex? I believe this happens more to women than it does to men…probably vulnerable women. I can hear you saying, “But that’s their problem…they’re old enough…that’s nothing to do with me. I’m clear about what I want.” But, are you being clear? Are you really stating it very clearly? For example…”I am here for sex only” or “I am here for a sexual relationship only” or “I am here for a relationship” or “I am here for a long term relationship and marriage one day” or “I am here for a long term relationship however I don’t want marriage at this moment in time”. Even if we state it clearly, is it read or heard that way. And we can change our minds…women do that a lot.
I know dating does happen on Tinder and that there are people who want to build a relationship. Unfortunately some can get confused between love and sex, particularly women.
What I get concerned about on Tinder are the vulnerable people, particularly vulnerable women and some don’t even know they are vulnerable and some don’t look vulnerable to the conscious mind and eye. However vulnerability can be sensed in a woman by men and vice versa. Somehow they show it…it’s quite primal/animalistic. If I go to the extreme, unsavoury men can recognise a woman who has been sexually abused by a close family member like her father and these women can easily become prostitutes (“Tranforming Trauma” by Anna C Salter). Sex, money, love…it all gets mixed up in the mind and body.
What happened to friendship in a relationship. When we are on Tinder, this is the key…can you be friends? Are you there for each other…in fact, do you want to be? What is wrong with building a friendship first through Tinder and not having sex straight away. Really get to know our date. The Duke and Duchess of York, William and Kate, were friends first. Our bodies are ours to give when we choose to share.
Another concern is that there are a lot of people on Tinder who don’t have good communication skills and although they mean one thing, they actually say or write something that can be heard and seen very differently. Listening skills are part of good communication and so many of us hear and it goes in one ear and out the other or don’t really listen…too busy with our shopping lists and other things going on in our heads. And then there are the mixed messages…check it out. In fact, check everything out…assumptions don’t work and are not worth the risk.
Whoever you are, whatever you want out of Tinder, “No” means “No”. If you are with someone and they are not listening to you, you must put your hand up as if stopping traffic and say “No and I mean it” in a calm, strong, deep voice and looking your date in the eyes.
It is really important to have fun too, really enjoy dating and getting to know each other. Have fun and be mindful.
If you would like to know more about good communication skills please click on the book below or if you would like to work on this with me, please call me or contact me through my website…see contact details below the book.
+44 (0)208 440 0495
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant