Six, Free, Live Group Coaching Sessions

Only if you feel safe, I’d love you to come to my six, Free, Live, group coaching sessions starting Monday 12 June at 9am EST/2pm GMT via www.anitalive.com or www.bobbydlive.com

If you feel safe enough to talk about something in the chat box, please do. And please feel free to use an anonymous name if that would help.

Here is the webcast of my Introduction session on Monday 5 June…

Thank you

Love Anita x

Anita Jackson

Discovering The Miscommunication That Prevents Your Joy!

(in work or at home)

0208 440 0495

http://www.anitajackson.co.uk

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Anti-Bullying Week!

How sad that we have an anti-bullying week as it has a celebration feel to it. I would like to see Kindness Week instead and think of all the ways we could be kind to someone, our loved ones and especially someone we might not have been so kind to. Kindness communicates that we care about the other person.

Having said that, The Anti Bullying Alliance’s theme for this week is Power for Good which is, in my opinion, a wonderful theme for the week and the whole of our lives.

Unfortunately, bullying is another way of communicating which the bully thinks is effective and indeed, can be very effective if the other person is scared enough to do the bully’s bidding or the bully hurts them.

Even though this is an unacceptable form of communication, it normally means that the bully was bullied and doesn’t know how to be different.

Bullying can be in the form of verbal abuse or physical abuse and can have long lasting effects on the bullied person, hence they can become bullies themselves.

Unfortunately, I see this happening in relationships…in couples and families and in business. And indeed, it has happened to me.

I remember being bullied by a girl at secondary school. She would be in the cloakroom and pull my hair and other girls’ hair. As bullying goes, it wasn’t so bad  but I was scared and found myself not wanting to go in the cloakroom unless someone else was there or with me…I avoided her as best I could.

I remember seeing 2 male teachers bullying the boys in my class. One used a slipper and the other a belt.

The strange thing is, that I never saw my father as a bully even though he both sexually and physically abused me…but he was. And I felt emotionally bullied by my husband…feeling criticised and blamed for everything.

I remember being very angry with my children…and now I would say I was over the top angry…I am sure they felt bullied. I am so so sorry that I couldn’t see how angry I was and how much I hurt my children with the anger. I certainly didn’t intend to bully them.

Nowadays, I work with couples, individuals, families and businesses where the people involved want to have better relationships and in some relationships there is bullying. There is a young woman whose husband will demand this and that of her and accuse her of being selfish. She agreed that she had been selfish because she had always been giving and was told she needed to think of herself. She didn’t know how to think of herself and be inclusive of others. She just went to the polar opposite.

(Taking care of ourselves and being inclusive of other is a bit like we are asked to put on our life jackets if there is a possibility of the plane crashing…we are told to do this without helping others first…not to help children, the elderly or the infirm but put ours on first. WHY? Because if we don’t take care of ourselves first, we cannot help others.)

However, her husband was not willing to change in any way whatsoever and stopped coming. He is still bullying her by leaving home until she begs him to return, smashing their wedding photos to get her to comply. My client was so desperate that she did his bidding. Now things are changing and she is learning to take care of herself and still love him. She lets him go and calls/texts him to say how much she loves and misses him and asks him to come home but she will not say he is completely right and she is completely wrong nor beg him to come back.

Bullies are powerful and so are victims. My client has been powerful as a victim too but now she is becoming a powerful woman for good in her relationship and other relationships she has, in particular her family.

What do I mean by being powerful as a victim. As a victim, I would cry without thinking and people would feel sorry for me. I would be angry and go to the polar opposite by being angry.

Awareness is key. I wasn’t aware of what I was saying or doing. Once I became aware I could choose to find out how to be different and choosing is very powerful indeed.

If you are being bullied or have been told you are a bully in your relationship, please choose to do something different and get help. I would love to help you but if it’s not me, please go to someone who can help you.

If seeing someone is too challenging at the moment, please buy my paperback book Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work here or the Kindle version on Amazon.co.uk here . The Kindle version is also on all the Amazon sites around the world.

In Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work, you will find exercises to help you communicate effectively.

Thank you
I love you

Anita

http://www.anitajackson.co.uk
anita@anitajackson.co.uk
+44 (0)208 440 0495

Brexit’s affect on many Couples and Families

There are many couples who voted differently from each other. There were many arguments between couples.

Was that you and your loved one? Did one of you go quiet and not dare to say any more once you new they were on a different page from you.

Many couples have been affected by this vote. This vote which has made history has caused rifts in relationships. Despite it being a secret ballot…couples discussed it and thought that they would be singing from the same hymn sheet as each other…but…no!

What’s done is done now. There is no going back…unless we get to re-vote. We have to move forward. Is it really worth breaking up for…is it really worth not speaking to each other…is it really worth being so angry that we didn’t stay in or smug that we got out or even worse…wish you’d voted differently as so many now do.

This article shows one couple in disagreement:

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jun/18/husband-votes-leave-wife-votes-remain-eu-referendum-relationships

Brexit pushed many of our buttons.

Families are splitting up because of the apparently old/young divide feelings on Brexit. I know families where this has happened, where the older generation were voting out for their grandchildren but their children voted to stay in for their children! This article shows another family rift:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jun/27/brexit-family-rifts-parents-referendum-conflict-betrayal

If you and your loved one(s) are in this position please listen to each other as you both have a right to your thoughts, feelings, emotions and the way you vote. I know your feelings are strong and you may feel very angry and hurt but listening is the most important communication skill you can use. You don’t need to say anything.

If you feel so angry you want to scream, wait until you are on your own and let it out. You can also punch a pillow and scream or shout out how you are feeling. This will all release the tension inside you.

Please do not belittle your loved one(s)…they have a right to their beliefs if they want to keep them. Just say “I hear what you say and I feel…” and say what ever the emotion is. Discuss it amicably but as soon as you feel the emotions rise, stop and say “I feel too angry to carry on right now”.

If your relationship is really in a mess and you want some help, please go and see someone who can help you find a way through.

I would love to help you.

Please call me on 0208 440 0495 or email me on enquiries@anitajackson.co.uk

Or you can invest in my book at http://www.anitajackson.co.uk/my-book/introducing-my-book/ which really spells out how to communicate effectively.

Thank you

I love you Anita x

 

My Heart goes out to those who lost loved ones in Paris last week

How do we deal with the loss of loved ones?

We grieve. How long does this last?

How long is a piece of string? It is also different for everyone. Some need help with the bereavement and others like to do it on their own. I remember a new client coming to see me five years after her husband had died and she had only just started crying for her loss…she hadn’t allowed or dared to allow herself the time to grieve for him.

As most of us have a relationship with someone, a loved one or friend, who we care deeply about, remember that when they are not with us any more, it’s too late to say the things we could have said when they were with us.

So, please if you have a loved one, wake up in the mornings and tell him/her that you love them and give them a big hug. If they’re not there when you wake up, phone or at least text them that you love them.

Also, tell yourself that you love you and appreciate being alive. Life shows up…things happen…and love is very powerful.

The power of LOVE has been proven. Just take New York many years ago with its very high crime rate …thousands of people had a sit in with candles and in silence sent love out into the city. The result …the crime rate went down.

We can do this on our own…just keep giving love. Remember the ripple effect…throw a pebble in a lake and it will ripple out.

I know life shows up and it’s challenging to keep giving love however if we become more aware/mindful of ourselves and what we are saying and doing, then we notice more how we affect others and have the choice to give or not give love.

Thank you, I love you Anita xxx

If you would like help or to read my book, please contact me.

+44 (0)208 440 0495

Anita Jackson,
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant
http://www.anitajackson.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/Rekindle-the-Magic-in-Your-Relationship

 

 

Christmas is Coming…What about Love at this time?

I was just reading the headlines on the News on Google…more gloom and doom. Interestingly, I normally look at three headlines and then exit because I don’t want to absorb all that gloom and doom energy.  For some reason I scrolled down and saw a headline asking when this year’s John Lewis Christmas Advert would be released. I was curious. What a wonderful surprise I got…not gloom and doom… but sheer delight as I watched last year’s advert (I hadn’t seen it before). Here it is…

Did that bring you tears of love, joy and peace? It certainly did for me, especially the ending. So watch it all the way through, please.

And remember, love isn’t just for Christmas presents, it’s for you and your loved one and all the year round.

This is so important to remember as Christmas can be so stressful and the highest break-up figures for couples is in the New Year.

Thank you, I love you Anita xxx

If you would like help or to read my book, please contact me.

+44 (0)208 440 0495

Anita Jackson,
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant
http://www.anitajackson.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/Rekindle-the-Magic-in-Your-Relationship

Loving Ourselves First before Others

How many times have I said we must love ourselves first in a relationship…I have lost count.

I quite often give the analogy of when we are about to fly and how the air hostesses ask us to put on our life jackets, etc first in the case of an emergency and not to help the infirm, elderly or children but to do it for ourselves first.

Why? because we are no use to others…our loved ones…if we are dead.

I recently heard Mary A Hall speak and loved what she was saying and then I found this experiment by her on You Tube and thought you might like to see it. It only takes 2 mins to watch.

Please love yourself, love what you put on your body, love what you put in your body, then love everything and everyone around you, then love everything and everyone in the whole world and then everything and everyone in the whole universe. Then love everything and everyone in the whole world, love everything and everyone around you, love what you put in your body, love what you put on your body, then please love yourself. In other words, start with you and move out and then back to you…go full circle.

Thank you, I love you Anita xxx

If you would like more help please contact me or read my book. Why wait any longer for love in your marriage to be better than it ever was.

+44 (0)208 440 0495

Anita Jackson,
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant
http://www.anitajackson.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/Rekindle-the-Magic-in-Your-Relationship

Rebirth of Love in My Marriage

I find nature to be so very powerful. It is a reflection of ourselves. In fact, did you know that if someone is seriously ill, looking at a tree through the window can help their recovery.

I love travelling and I always learn and grow from the experience. I love meeting new people, being in new cultures and nature around the world.

I often ask clients to wonder what a particular tree, flower, bird or animal means to them and where it is in them. At the same, time we are a reflection of each other. So whatever you see in your husband/wife is in you. At the same time, if your marriage is in a difficult place right now, know that everything changes, nothing stays the same and love can blossom again.

I want to share a poem I wrote many years ago when I was fortunate to be in the Galapagos islands. As you probably know, they are volcanic and there had been an eruption on one of the small islands. We visited it and I was completely in awe of what I saw. I had imagined it to be devastating but…well let me give you my poem first which was a reflection my inner feelings at that time:

Death

I can’t see
Reaching out, there is nothing
Terrified…I don’t move
What’s in front, behind and to the sides?

It’s solid under foot
Hard, yet gravelly dust
My fear keeps me here
Where is here…nowhere and dead

I can hear the earth’s hear beat
I can hear the water running
I can hear the volcano’s anger
Deep within the earth.

Suddenly, what feels firm disappears
I’m falling
I reach out, trying to find a hold…nothing!
My hear’s thumping and I scream!

No-one’s there! No-one cares!
I hear the words “Trust, trust, trust.”
I fall…breathing now
Tension starts to disappear and I begin to trust.

I arrive, where am I?
No life but colours blend together
I can hear and see the sea
Blue…healing and holding…surrounding death.

I see a creature, no two
They dance as one, they move as one
Backwards and forwards, to and ‘thro
Lovers mating

The first is dangerous
She holds the key to life and death
She kills her love, then gives birth
Such balance does she possess

“You cannot know life until you know death”
Is what she said to me
“If he’s quick, he can get away
Back into the sea.”

I see green shoots
Life is starting all around
Even from death comes life
It feels very profound

Back in the darkness
I could smell death
As I fell, I tasted death
Only trust kept me alive!

As you can see I was very aware of the death of life there but also the birth of life just starting to happen. Like the Death card of the Tarot set of cards means rebirth. So even though things in your marriage may not be very loving right now, please know that it can change. By you reading this blog you are the tiny shoot of green that was appearing in the black lava.

So what can you do now…take baby steps…one step at a time. Start smiling, no matter what. Start really noticing how you feel inside…become more aware…and speak your truth. If you feel angry notice if there is hurt or pain underneath that anger and tell your wife/husband that you feel hurt or whatever it is that you feel and saying you feel angry is good too, as long as you don’t act it out.

If you want more help you can contact me or read my book. Why wait any longer for love in your marriage to be better than it ever was.

+44 (0)208 440 0495

Anita Jackson,
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant
http://www.anitajackson.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/Rekindle-the-Magic-in-Your-Relationship

Love Me Tinder…Did Elvis Presley sing this?

As with Elvis, there is a lot of buzz about the Tinder App…what do you think about it? Have you seen it? Have you heard about it? Have you been on it? Have you had a date? Have you had sex?

Elvis was a sex icon…is Tinder? Well, if you don’t know what it is…it is a dating App.

Some say it’s for sex only and the dating gets lost. Some say they get dates. So, are the majority of people on Tinder there for sex or are they wanting a relationship. Does it matter as long as those involved are over the age of consent and are having fun?

What about those who want more…want to date and want to enjoy building a relationship together and are dropped the minute they agree to have sex? I believe this happens more to women than it does to men…probably vulnerable women. I can hear you saying, “But that’s their problem…they’re old enough…that’s nothing to do with me. I’m clear about what I want.” But, are you being clear? Are you really stating it very clearly? For example…”I am here for sex only” or “I am here for a sexual relationship only” or “I am here for a relationship” or “I am here for a long term relationship and marriage one day” or “I am here for a long term relationship however I don’t want marriage at this moment in time”. Even if we state it clearly, is it read or heard that way. And we can change our minds…women do that a lot.

I know dating does happen on Tinder and that there are people who want to build a relationship. Unfortunately some can get confused between love and sex, particularly women.

What I get concerned about on Tinder are the vulnerable people, particularly vulnerable women and some don’t even know they are vulnerable and some don’t look vulnerable to the conscious mind and eye. However vulnerability can be sensed in a woman by men and vice versa. Somehow they show it…it’s quite primal/animalistic. If I go to the extreme, unsavoury men can recognise a woman who has been sexually abused by a close family member like her father and these women can easily become prostitutes (“Tranforming Trauma” by Anna C Salter). Sex, money, love…it all gets mixed up in the mind and body.

What happened to friendship in a relationship. When we are on Tinder, this is the key…can you be friends? Are you there for each other…in fact, do you want to be? What is wrong with building a friendship first through Tinder and not having sex straight away. Really get to know our date. The Duke and Duchess of York, William and Kate, were friends first. Our bodies are ours to give when we choose to share.

Another concern is that there are a lot of people on Tinder who don’t have good communication skills and although they mean one thing, they actually say or write something that can be heard and seen very differently. Listening skills are part of good communication and so many of us hear and it goes in one ear and out the other or don’t really listen…too busy with our shopping lists and other things going on in our heads. And then there are the mixed messages…check it out. In fact, check everything out…assumptions don’t work and are not worth the risk.

Whoever you are, whatever you want out of Tinder, “No” means “No”. If you are with someone and they are not listening to you, you must put your hand up as if stopping traffic and say “No and I mean it” in a calm, strong, deep voice and looking your date in the eyes.

It is really important to have fun too, really enjoy dating and getting to know each other. Have fun and be mindful.

If you would like to know more about good communication skills please click on the book below or if you would like to work on this with me, please call me or contact me through my website…see contact details below the book.

+44 (0)208 440 0495

Anita Jackson,
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant
http://www.anitajackson.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/Rekindle-the-Magic-in-Your-Relationship

Are You Creating Your Own Economic Crisis?

My clients…two partners…couldn’t make a decision on an important deal.  It was costing them time, money, stress, pain, anger, hurt, tension and disease was setting in. There was a knock on effect with staff, who were aware that something was wrong and also felt tense and stressed. Sitting opposite me, side-by-side and from the way they spoke and held themselves, you’d think they didn’t even know each other, let alone be partners in the same company. How did they let it get so bad? Their bodies were turned away from each other, their arms were folded, they talked to me without including the other. I asked, “Has it always been this way?” ”Oh no” says one. I facilitated the change needed. At first there was a little tension however with my interventions, they started to communicate without friction or conflict.  In one hour, I assisted them to find a resolution. They started turning their bodies towards each other and started to smile, relax their arms and breathe…they were hardly breathing before. They saved themselves a fortune and their staff relaxed and became happy again. If this or similar is happening to you, call me on +44 (0)208 440 0495 before it costs you more time, money and stress. Anita Jackson, Personal and Business Relationship Consultant

+44 (0)208 440 049

Anita Jackson,
Individuals, Couples, Families and Business Relationship Consultant
http://www.anitajackson.co.uk
http://tiny.cc/LinkedInProfile